Recognize violence

6 min read
Louise halimi

The purpose of violence is to control a person or a group of people to impose their will.

There are many expressions to violence and they can all be expressed at the same time.

Physical violence is the deliberate use of force on a person to the point that they suffer bodily harm or are at risk of bodily harm. It takes many forms such as punching, kicking, slapping, hair pulling, pinching, spanking, shaking, burning, poisoning, holding underwater, choking or any other action the use of which is abusive or dangerous for a person.

Verbal abuse uses the voice to intimidate. It is not so much the tone that is important, but rather the tenor of the remarks. The victim will be insulted, mocked or threatened.

Psychological violence uses the attitude to scare or make the victim lose confidence. This involves repeating situations, humiliating and contemptuous remarks and indifference to emotional demands. This makes the victim feel incompetent and worthless. Gradually the violent person creates a grip and isolates the victim so that she depends emotionally only on him. This allows the violent person to gradually impose his will on all subjects and all situations. The victim feels blocked and in addition to the violence suffered, the risk of depression, suicide or alcoholism sets in.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of violent attitudes:

  • shout regularly
  • adopt threatening attitudes
  • use force to achieve one's ends
  • use one's physical superiority to cause fear
  • insult, humiliate, regularly denigrate a person to send them a negative image of themselves and arouse negative emotions (fear, shame, pain, etc.)
  • regularly speaking ill of the family and/or friends of a relative (spouse, partner, child) and making contact with them difficult
  • controlling, monitoring, constantly accusing a loved one (spouse, partner) and demanding proof of their whereabouts
  • prohibit a loved one (spouse, partner) from going out
  • manipulate by using psychological violence to, for example, convince the victim to cancel an outing with those around them
  • exercising disproportionate power over a loved one's expenses, blaming the person for every expense, using financial arguments to influence decisions about the relationship
  • uttering threats towards a relative (spouse, partner, child) or other people
  • getting angry and breaking objects, knocking on a door or a wall, blocking or immobilizing a relative (spouse, partner, child), attacking things the person cares about...
  • threatening to commit suicide or harm a relative (spouse, partner, child) if the latter does not do what he wishes
  • forcing spiritual or religious practices and questioning the values ​​and beliefs of a relative (spouse, partner, child)
  • read private exchanges without the consent of a loved one (spouse, partner), force the person to share access accounts or geographical position
  • force somebody to agree to unwanted sexual relations or practices
  • sharing intimate photos of someone without their consent
  • harass, stalk and follow a person
  • hitting, abusing a pet

If you have any of these behaviors you are violent. If someone around you has this type of behavior, you are a spectator or victim of a violent relationship.

It is difficult to get out of an attitude, a violent relationship without outside help. Talking about it and getting help can help avoid serious situations or an escalation of violence.

In the case of conjugal violence, a cycle is described. We speak of a cycle of violence which develops in 4 phases. It begins with the establishment of a climate of tension. The aggressor exerts psychological and physical pressure and isolates the victim. This phase will lead, under any pretext, to an explosion of violence directed against the victim. It is followed by a phase of justification of the aggressor which minimizes his responsibility, or even empowers the victim. There follows a period of effort by the aggressor, who by adopting an attitude that will be experienced as exceptional (gift, expression of regret, sharing of tasks, demonstration of affection, etc.) will make people forget the event. He will continue, in his communication, to minimize the seriousness of the past event and his responsibility. But again a climate of tension will set in and a new identical cycle will occur.

With each cycle, the crises get closer and are more intense, which increases the danger for the victim or victims. Acting at the first signs can therefore save lives.

A violent episode is never trivial. To talk about it is to allow yourself to become aware of the seriousness of the event and to allow actions to be put in place so that it never happens again.

Whether you are an aggressor or a victim, there are solutions!

Many associations and public institutions can accompany you, allow you to talk about it and, if necessary, help you in your steps to get out of this situation (domestic violence, child abuse). If you have any doubts, take the time to discuss. It is through the support and help of others that another future is possible and accessible more quickly.

Photo by engin akyurt