What anger says about us

5 min read
Louise halimi
Anger
Anxiety
Couple

Anger is part of the panel of our emotions.

Physically, it is characterized by:

  • increased heart rate, muscle tension,
  • rapid breathing,
  • increased gesticulation
  • a decrease in our reasoning ability when it occurs,
  • and possibly the appearance of redness and sweating.

In itself, anger is not reprehensible. It is a protective reaction, in response to a threat or an attack. It can even prevent aggression or an escalation towards violence.

But when it occurs disproportionately, repeatedly or threateningly to others (accompanied by verbal and/or physical violence), it must be questioned.

It is important to clearly distinguish between anger, which is a protective reflex, and violence, which is a desire for destruction. Thus, anger does not excuse violence.

Anger is like a valve that hides other emotions. The main reasons for anger are:

  • the fear
  • humiliation
  • deprivation, injustice
  • frustration, an inability to control the situation or know what to do
  • jealousy or envy
  • being bothered by the behavior of others
  • refusal to accept certain facts
  • lack of confidence and/or skills

Anger is promoted by:

  • tiredness
  • personal problems, anxiety
  • a traumatic experience, unresolved emotional issues

If we get angry, it is because at that moment, the context in which we find ourselves seems bad for us. It makes us feel insecure, even unloved. Getting angry indicates that there is a need that is not being met. It is a form of protest, and a way of telling the other, to take us into account.

It is important to be attentive to the situations (places, people, circumstances) that make us angry, in order to be able to initiate behaviors, actions, to ensure that the world around us can be more in line with our needs, while respecting those of others. Communication therefore plays a central role in responding to anger.

Being angry often, without a real and serious cause, is a behavioral problem that can generate a lot of frustration, and lead to estrangement from others.

Getting angry doesn't make you feel better. In itself, this does not provide a solution. Very often, this even generates more frustration, due, for example, to the misunderstanding of our reactions by those around us (reactions experienced as disproportionate). This can evolve and have serious consequences on our surroundings, and on oneself (aggressiveness, physical violence, feeling even worse).

Frequent bouts of anger damage relationships but also increase the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Additionally, many people struggling with anger issues turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with their emotions, which eventually worsens their mental and physical well-being and can lead to addiction.

It is possible to give a constructive follow-up to your anger, by questioning its causes and its expression. In a couple or team situation, it is important to talk about it to avoid creating frustrations, a loss of confidence or misunderstandings that could evolve into more serious situations.

Working to understand where anger comes from will make it possible to control...
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